Kailee Place, LPC
Why Are We So Great and Mindful of Others, But Total Shit to Ourselves? Let's Change That.
I can't tell you how many times I've asked a client, "okay, so what if your friend was in that exact situation, would you say the same thing to them that you just said to yourself?" And WITHOUT FAIL, every client goes, "oh god no, never."
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE.
Listen, I get it. (Seriously, I get it. I've had some real brutal self-bashing sessions myself.) We're really hard on ourselves because it's become a hardwired response. We don't feel allowed to give ourselves some grace and compassion, but you better believe you'd be looked at as a total dick if you said anything terrible to someone else. I encourage you to start trying on a new way of thinking.
What if you looked at yourself as a valued friend? I mean, you're the closest person you have in your life. What's the point of being so mean and crappy to yourself?
Example: Your dear friend, Lucy, had a work assignment and needed to have this big important report done by Thursday. And she doesn't. She gets it to her boss on Friday. And the following things come out of her mouth as she's talking to you about it:
"I feel like such an idiot... I should have gotten that stupid report in by Thursday. My boss thinks I'm just a slacker and now I KNOW I won't be getting promoted. I shouldn't have gone out with you guys Tuesday. I knew I'd fuck up this job somehow and look, I've done it."
What are you thinking as you listen to her? I'm assuming you want to hug her, let her know you've been there before (as most people have), and that you hope she can give herself a break. You tell her you know she works hard and has often heard her talk about how her work is appreciated. You want her to know she's wonderful and to stop beating herself up.
How would it feel if you gave yourself that same compassion? Life is hard. No need to make it harder on yourself. You're doing the best you can and sometimes even our best leads to mistakes or disappointment. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to ENJOY these uncomfortable moments, but give yourself a hug, be gentle, and move forward without kicking yourself while you're down.
Until next time,
P.S. If you're finding it hard to turn off the asshole inner voice, give me a call. I'd love to help!