So this blogging thing... it is brand spanking new for me. I don't consider myself a writer, though I do consider myself a thinker and a listener.
Perhaps putting some of my thinking and the things I've heard into writing will be impactful for you. Or it'll go nowhere. But guess what? I will have tried something new, put myself out there, and I will survive the #anxiety that comes with it. (Even if I have an annoying little voice in my head nitpicking me this entire time... shut up!)
You can also survive the #anxiety that comes with moving forward and trying something new. I'm thinking a couple things serve as obstacles for you though.
Among the many concerns my clients bring to me, apprehension, #anxiety, and #fear to move forward are right up there at the top of my "Top Concerns Clients Bring to Me" list. (This list doesn't actually exist, but you get the point. I'm too lazy for that.) Particularly with the young women I see, they walk into my office with an abundance of #ideas, #goals, #dreams, fantasies, etc., but they can't seem to take the steps to move towards these desires of theirs. A number of things hold them back. Here are a few of the obstacles in their way:
1. The thought, "If this doesn't go JUST right, then I am a total failure."
Whoa. If there isn't perfection, then suddenly they are just big losers. That escalated quickly. Also, it's wrong. Think of nearly every time you've tried something new. Did you get it right immediately? No, of course not. You stumbled. But with continued trials (and errors,) you watched your skill grow until you'd mastered it. We'll go with the cliche example of learning to ride a bike. It took a lot of support, band-aids, and crying as well as stubborn motivation to get to the point where you're going 80MPH down the neighborhood hill with no hands on the handle bars. (Let me guess, at some point in the future, you fell off, but brushed yourself off, maybe cursed your bike, and hopped back on.) We set super high expectations for ourselves to succeed right off the bat and that's just not realistic. Give yourself some #compassion and know that new things take time. And that's okay.
2. "My 5-year plan includes me becoming a successful (fill in the blank with something badass), but I have literally no clue how to get there."
Relatable! You've got big goals to become something wonderful, achieve something amazing, do something impressive... whatever those things may be!... but how the hell do you get there? Looking at a big future goal can be overwhelming, and then you feel defeated. And become stagnant. You don't have to! Adding someone to the mix, *ahem* a therapist *ahem*, who can help process your thoughts, flesh out the requirements for getting to this goal, and then help lay out a realistic plan with easy steps can be immensely helpful. Imagine gaining control over that big, overwhelming mountain of a goal and feeling like it's a doable climb. #Therapy does that!
3. "I don't deserve good things... that's what I've always been told."
Man, people can really suck. We all have people in our lives who have said some shitty things to us, but sadly, some of you either have had a lot of these crappy people in your life or you've experienced elongated exposure to negative, degrading, and abusive messages. Often what results from these messages is poor self-esteem, negative core beliefs, and a douche of an inner critic, all solidifying that message of not deserving good things. Again, hindering forward movement towards goals. Read this slowly: You do deserve great things. Therapy is a space to slowly wash away those negative, unrealistic messages and uncover your true shine. Because, FYI, you are a #badass.
So remember, when you have the desire for big things or trying something new, but feel stuck... be #gentle on yourself. New things take time to feel comfortable with. Take some time to break down the steps to get you where you'd like to go. And carve out a safe space for you, such as #therapy, to process and mend some of your painful history. You're capable of great things!
Until next time,
Kailee
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